snakes in the grass.

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Am I the only one who has to learn lessons the hard way, over and over, before the facts finally set in?

The class I’m attending has a complete syllabus of life’s lessons. Even if one or two lessons aren’t in their curriculum, I’m managing to sneak in a learning experience or two.

One lesson I’m learning is about self-disclosure.

My tendency is to over-share … with friends, acquaintances, and total strangers.

There have been a few people in my life that jumped from the Total Stranger category to the Best Friend (or so I thought) category way too fast.

I’ve not made that mistake just once.

I’m too trusting. I’m too open with the details of my life.

This type of openness attracts a certain type of person, I’m discovering. Don’t get me wrong, I have made some great friends via my openness. But of course, there will always be “snakes in the grass.”

These snakes have little going on in their own lives.

These snakes have an innate ability to sense drama.

These snakes should just get cable and watch soap operas all day.

 

“You’re an interesting person.”

If I hear any variation of this, ever again, I will step back and take a better look at the person. What are their intentions? Are they bored with their own lives …and have they sensed the dramatic past, having to do with my children?

The drawback of being in the midst of learning to be less self-disclosing is that it’s a work in progress. ..catching yourself saying something, realizing that it’s probably too much information, but they’ve already heard a portion of the story.

Should you continue and give the details? or do you hold it all back and hope that they don’t make up their own version?

We live. We learn.

How do you deal with the slanderous snake? I’m still learning that lesson.

chloephone

Why I Prefer Written Communication Over Verbal

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Why I Prefer Written Communication Over Verbal (especially while discussing serious matters):

I’ve found, since I was a little girl, that I’m unable to verbally speak the things I want to convey to people. I very much dislike being required to read into a person’s tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. When doing these things isn’t a requirement (like during an in-person job interview), I prefer not to.

Do you want me to know what you’re thinking and wanting to say to me – without misunderstandings? Then write me a letter. Send me an e-mail.

I also find that texting isn’t the greatest form of communication, for serious discussions. Letters and e-mails are the best way to communicate with me.

– I won’t be misunderstood, as I’m a lot more articulate in my written communications.

– I won’t misunderstand your facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language.

I really don’t like gossip

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I’m trying to go back to different social situations in my recent or distant past… wondering if I’ve ever not hated gossip.

I find myself frustrated when people engage in gossip. I find myself bored, sighing, and waiting for the “conversation” to be over. If I agree with something that’s being said about someone, my honesty interjects and I verbally agree with the statement made. But I’m still really not enjoying the “conversation.”

My definition of gossip:

Speaking (almost wholly) negatively about a person who is not present, especially if everyone who is listening knows that person, too.

 

My frustration with gossip ends when I need to vent about someone else’s behavior. I hope that doesn’t make me a hypocrite. Maybe it does. – – I sometimes have to vent about someone’s behavior, so that I don’t end up exploding or imploding over the person’s behavior. – – I guess my two salvation points are that I don’t talk about the person’s behavior with someone who’s not able to explain the person’s behavior to me and/or help me learn how to tolerate the person’s behavior.

Therapy; Shoulding On People

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So, in today’s therapy session, my therapist talked to me about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

Wikipedia’s definition:

“a comprehensive, active-directive, philosophically and empirically based psychotherapy which focuses on resolving emotional and behavioral problems and disturbances and enabling people to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.”

A – activating event / trigger

B – beliefs

C – consequences

Also, my therapist asked me “Have you SHOULD on someone today?

Expecting other people to behave in the way that you think they should – can lead to anxiety, depression, and an eventual breakdown.

Susie SHOULD show more gratitude!

Larry SHOULD stop smoking!

Gertrude SHOULD stop allowing her children to manipulate her!

Something I Kind Of Suck At: Friendship

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I just feel like blogging right now. I’ll make it obvious when / if I realize that I’m beginning a new topic, I guess.

First off, I suck at being a friend. If you know me, you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know me, just believe me. K?

What I’ve come to learn about building / keeping friendships:

  • Ask the person about his or herself. If they ask about you, answer their questions, but always try to circle the conversation back to what the two of you may have in common.
  • If they’re the kind of person who needs to feel like they are of equal or higher intelligence than you (whether they are or they aren’t), allow them to express what they believe and pick your battles.
  • Not everything they say (or don’t say) and/or do (or don’t do) is because of you, about you, or in spite of you. They have lives beyond what you know about. Their children, their spouse, their finances, their employer/employees, and a ton of other things could be on their mind. Don’t take things personally, unless the person makes it obvious that you’re the reason that they’re annoyed, upset, or angry.

Eh, basically done blogging now. I guess this post is about friendship.

Sensitivity Sucks. :-P

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I’m very emotionally sensitive. I always transfer attributes of my biological family to all other people I come into contact with… but not everyone is going to behave like them. Not everyone is manipulative. Not everyone is passive aggressive in their interactions and lies. 

But my family members usually do behave in those ways.

Why do I even try to interact with my family members? Probably because I crave to feel that I belong somewhere? 

I’m not required to behave as they do. I’m not required to follow the path they imagined for me – which included marriage, divorce, babies out of wedlock, and not ever attending college. 

Well, I’ve done a good job on those things, so far! I’ve been married, divorced, conceived three children without being married to the fathers, and still have not acquired any college credits, whatsoever. 

I’m 28 years old and I feel like my accomplishments (or lack thereof) still show me to be an immature 19 year old. 

I really want to stop being so emotionally sensitive. Really. 

I want to stop putting the weight of my burdens onto other people’s shoulders just because they’re willing to listen. They can’t, in the long term, help me become who I want to be. Especially just by listening. 

I don’t want to overwhelm the people I love (actually love; not feel obligated to love, like my biological family). 

Please, God, help me to learn to vent these things to you. And/Or my therapist – who I begin seeing on Tuesday. 

On Wednesday, I’ll finally have my ears irrigated. I cannot wait. I literally “need my ears cleaned out”. 

On the 12th is my psychiatrist appointment and soon after is my 3rd obstetrics appointment. We probably won’t see Sesame again, but we’ll talk about him and make sure he’s okay based on the information given and found. 

Okay, … I ate ice cream to try to help fix my mood. It semi helped, but Sesame SERIOUSLY wants a burger with a lot of cheese.

Horribly cute

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I am going to vent something I need to vent. 

We can’t always be happy with people’s words, actions, silence, and inaction, but when it has to do with my children, my love for my children, and/or the fact that my children are my children, I am definitely not happy.

I could type “(biological/birth) children”, but guess what — — they’re my children beyond that. Especially Chloe. 

My sister once told me “Chloe’s way too beautiful to be your daughter.”

From my sister, that’s almost expected. Her self esteem is entirely too low and she likes to make others feel the same about themselves. I’ve never let her crap get to me, as an adult.

But even if someone stays silent when I show them the resemblance between Chloe and me, it feels the same. These people (more than one) are doing this for their own reasons: either insecurity, spite, or blindness. Chloe is 3 years old. I will be 28 in less than 2 days. Pretty good age gap and therefore, Chloe and I are on different parts of the aging ruler. I was horribly cute as a kid. (My self esteem is sometimes pretty darn good, especially about me as a child). Chloe is a horribly cute 3 year old. 

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Me, as a kiddo

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