Happy Thanksgiving


It’s Thanksgiving Day.

I’m thinking about my babies.

Thanksgiving doesn’t make me think of Christopher Columbus and America’s “discovery”.

Thanksgiving makes me think of family, food, and football.

I’m thankful for my kids’ family. I’m thankful that my roommates are going to knock on my door with a plate of food. I’m thankful that I don’t have to watch football.

I hope my babies have a good day and good food.


Birth Mother, Stephanie


How cool! WordPress has informed me that this is my 100th BonaFideBirthMother blog post!!!

It’s not about letting-go of my babies.

It’s about ripping away the idea that my sole-identity is of being my babies’ birth mother.

I am also Stephanie.





Without absconding from my non-custodial duties, life needs to go on.

Unlike a very former friend suggested that I do, I will never “move on” from my babies.

They’re my babies. Forever.

I think it’s interesting that the last place I ever saw my Birth Mother necklace (a gift from my kids’ parents) was at that former friend’s home. It “disappeared”. I’ve not wanted to admit that. I hate that I laid it down and gave someone (who didn’t think I should “think about my children so much”) the chance to steal it from me. Don’t believe she stole it? She’s also the “friend” who broke (into pieces) a $20 DVD (that belonged to me), because she didn’t approve of the content.

I have 9.5 years left of my 30s. That sounds like so much, but I’ve heard that it goes by quickly. I don’t want to spend 10 years wallowing in my grief. What a waste! I think my children would be more proud of me, if I live a fuller life than that.

Here’s to my babies being proud of me.


Birth Mother,


Easy-Peasy, Because I Love My Babies


“That’s very brave and strong of you.” – people, when I’ve explained that (3 of my) children were adopted.

Until very recently, I couldn’t figure out why this sentence annoyed me.

After figuring it out, I doubt that I’ll ever be bothered by that sentence again.

I don’t feel “brave and strong”, after choosing adoption for my children. Those decisions were probably the easiest decisions I’ve ever made.

The aspect of being a birth mother that requires bravery and strength, in my opinion, is living my life without my children being with me.

  • “I want my children to have the kind of childhood that I’m not able to provide to them.” – easy, because I love my children
  • “I am going to live my life without my children, waiting years to meet the big-people that they’ve become.” – not easy, because I love my children (and would love to be apart of their day to day lives)