Tony Attwood has been doing more research about women and girls who may have been flying under the (Asperger’s) radar.
(I really like that Tony calls people with Asperger’s “useful.”) 🙂
Tony’s own stepfather has Asperger’s.
Some of Tony’s stepfather’s traits:
-doesn’t give compliments very often
-critical of mistakes
Another Aspie trait:
A joke, by Tony: “Women marry men for their faults; so that they [the wife] can correct them.”
Because Autism and Asperger’s have a definite genetic factor, people have actually fallen in love with Aspies – or else they would have died out, long ago.
Two types of (relationship) partners suited for Aspies:
*- Opposite: NT, to the extreme. Usually in caring (hospitable) industry. These people see the Aspie’s heart, not their behavior. Caring instinct; maternal instinct; supportive; guide and repair what went wrong.
*- Identical. Rarely need relationship counseling. “Two twins.”
Darcy (Pride & Prejudice), who shows Aspie traits, can’t stand social chit-chat.
Faux pas: common for Aspies.
Parenting Styles of Aspies:
Parenting is not automatic and easy for them.
House is a mess; teaching children of intellectual pursuits.
Tigress with the cubs.
Does not want her children to suffer the same as she did.
Untidy home; when social services gets involved, she doesn’t know how to respond. Feels like social services sees her as an incompetent mother due to messy home and not taking care of some of the basic needs the children have. She has different priorities, such as intellectually teaching her children.
Aspies are surrounded by “social zealots,” while they’re intensely interested in facts and information. Aspies want to convert people, but NTs become bored.
Myths about people with Asperger’s:
– They will never amount to much. (Truth: They can be highly successful in certain areas.)
– They only go into the IT (information technology) field. (Truth: Some are artists. Some are authors. Some are musicians. Some are song writers.
– They lack empathy. (Truth: They are some of the kindest people you’ll meet. Aspies are not good at reading social cues / signals. They need people to be more direct in asking for what they need.)
–Medication to address the effects of Asperger’s:
Aspies are natural worries; pessimistic. (Anti-anxiety)
Some ADHD medication can help.
Instead of a cure for Asperger’s, we’re looking for people to understand them and help explain social situations to them.
Other conditions that go along with Asperger’s: OCD, Anxiety, Depression, poor anger management, Arrogance/Narcissistic – “I’m superior, not different.”
We don’t give them credit for the intellectual effort that social situations require for them.
How do people with Asperger’s respond to their official diagnosis?
Feeling understood and understanding self
Anger at delayed diagnosis
Ratio (boys: girls) Asperger’s:
Girls with Asperger’s know that they’re different. They go about in a compensatory / intelligent way. Camouflaging their differences. Sixth senses. Sensitive to things that other people don’t notice.
Imitation; acting. Watches for a script and a role. Chameleon.
Girls with Asperger’s are really only picked up/diagnosed in their teenage and adult years.
Extreme emotions. May be confused with Borderline Personality Disorder.
“No! You can’t have Asperger’s! You’re so social!” … but they don’t see the effort that went into that socialization.
Eventually, a nervous breakdown. “I can’t keep faking it!”
Time-consuming to find a professional who really GETS/understands Asperger’s. They need to be able to see behind the “mask.”
A good way to identify people (on sight) with Asperger’s: their facial expressions. They may have the right facial expression, but it comes a tiny bit later than what is “normal.” — The face may not reflect the inner thoughts and feelings.
(Most) Girls / Women with Asperger’s: — “Fashion? Waste of time!”, “I shall wear what’s comfortable and cheap!”
Gender identity issues.
(Most) Girls with AS: “But I’ve never felt like a girl!”, “I’m not a stereotypical girl!”, “I hate fashion!”
You don’t “suffer” from Asperger’s. You suffer due to the attitude of other people. That’s where your suffering comes from. Suffering comes from the ignorance and prejudice of other people.
Traits in workplace: Strong sense of social justice and following rules. Honesty. Integrity. Whistle blowers. Blind to when rules should be ignored.
They’d be good police officers.
They’d be good spies.
They’d be good with emergency situations / careers.
Acceptance from peers
The right work-place
The right (relationship) partner
Very sensitive to emotional atmosphere.