I’m very emotionally sensitive. I always transfer attributes of my biological family to all other people I come into contact with… but not everyone is going to behave like them. Not everyone is manipulative. Not everyone is passive aggressive in their interactions and lies.
But my family members usually do behave in those ways.
Why do I even try to interact with my family members? Probably because I crave to feel that I belong somewhere?
I’m not required to behave as they do. I’m not required to follow the path they imagined for me – which included marriage, divorce, babies out of wedlock, and not ever attending college.
Well, I’ve done a good job on those things, so far! I’ve been married, divorced, conceived three children without being married to the fathers, and still have not acquired any college credits, whatsoever.
I’m 28 years old and I feel like my accomplishments (or lack thereof) still show me to be an immature 19 year old.
I really want to stop being so emotionally sensitive. Really.
I want to stop putting the weight of my burdens onto other people’s shoulders just because they’re willing to listen. They can’t, in the long term, help me become who I want to be. Especially just by listening.
I don’t want to overwhelm the people I love (actually love; not feel obligated to love, like my biological family).
Please, God, help me to learn to vent these things to you. And/Or my therapist – who I begin seeing on Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I’ll finally have my ears irrigated. I cannot wait. I literally “need my ears cleaned out”.
On the 12th is my psychiatrist appointment and soon after is my 3rd obstetrics appointment. We probably won’t see Sesame again, but we’ll talk about him and make sure he’s okay based on the information given and found.
Okay, … I ate ice cream to try to help fix my mood. It semi helped, but Sesame SERIOUSLY wants a burger with a lot of cheese.